About Results vs. Activities:

Results vs. Activities is a blog by Envisia Learning for those who are truly interested in increasing organizational performance. Regular contributors include Kenneth M. Nowack, Ph.D., David Jamieson, Ph. D., Terry Paulson, Ph.D and Bill Bradley.

Archive for June, 2008


To Feel or Not to Feel….That is the Question

by: Ken Nowack on June 29th, 2008

“You cannot make yourself feel something you do not feel, but you can make yourself do right in spite of your feelings.”

Pearl S. Buck

Have you ever experienced leaders who seem to lose it during meetings or tense interactions with others–emotions spewing out of them like hot lava leaving an active Mount St. Helens?  Or, dealing with those analytical, controlled and “closed” leaders who are always appear to be emotionally constipated? 

Feelings expressed or feelings repressed……

Which one do think is most damaging to your health?

Those Who Feel and Express….

Two types of studies tend to illustrate how expression of some emotions in leaders might have serious long term consequences for health.

First, Ed Suarez, Ph.D. at Duke University recently illustrated an association between anger, hostility and a very important inflammatory marker of cardiovascular disease called C-reactive protein (others have found the same outcome with homocysteine).  In his study of 123 healthy non-smoking men and women he found that anger and hostility were significantly associated with higher levels of C-reactive protein while controlling for other factors1

This study adds to the growing recognition that practicing “sign language” when being cut off on the freeway may not exactly be the best way to react to social and interpersonal challenges if you want to live long.

Second, Johan Denollet, Ph.D. has studied a very interesting personality type he calls “Type D” for many years. “Type D” personality types are identified based on their high scores of negative emotions (e.g., worry and anxiety) and low scores on social inhibition, or being insecure socially and lacking assertiveness.

In just one of his studies, Denollet followed 319 individuals for five years and tracked cardiovascular events that developed. Individuals high in “Type D” were four times more likely to suffer a second heart attack than “non-D Types”2.

So, being chronically anxious, nervous and socially uncomfortable seems to be a set of toxic emotions that can be deadly.  Type D personality appears to be a risk factor at least equivalent in importance to the other “conventional” coronary heart disease predictor factors.

Those Who Try Not to Feel and Hold It In…..

What about those of us who don’t express feelings such as anxiety and anger?  These individuals also appear to be at risk to get sick and equally vulnerable to cardiovascular disease and even cancer3.

My friend and true “data shaman” Gary Schwartz, Ph.D. at the University of Arizona School of Medicine was one of the first to explore the relationship between those who work so hard to present themselves (and others) in an overly posive light and health.  These “repressive copers” don’t report being anxious at all–in fact, they report just the opposite. Individuals who utilize repressive coping tend to work hard to create very favorable and positive impressions to others (high impression management) and report little or no worry, anger and anxiety (low negative affect).

In fact, those of us who tend to “repress” emotions appear to be at risk for high blood pressure, heart disease and even breast cancer4

Apparently, the energy to repress emotions is physiological taxing to ourselves but seems to give most others in our lives a break!  Some preliminary research using 360 degree feedback also suggests these leaders might actually be prone to “over estimating” their strengths and working endlessly to self-promote themselves to others.  These self-enhancing leaders might not only be high risk to derail because of inaccuracy about their skills, knowledge and abilities but they might also be prone to getting sick.

So, three main conclusions:

  1. How you go about expressing negative emotions seem to be pretty strongly associated with long term health.
  2. It’s not the negativity of the emotions per se that is the problem but how leaders cope with these emotions.
  3. It seems more important to feel good, than having a goal of merely feeling good.

Still confused?  Well, then try reading and interpreting the leadership literature…..Be well….

 

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  1. Suarez, E. (2004). C-Reactive Protein Is Associated With Psychological Risk Factors of Cardiovascular Disease in Apparently Healthy Adults. Psychosomatic Medicine, 66:684-691 []
  2. Denollet J, Vaes J, Brutsaert DL. Inadequate response to treatment in coronary heart disease: adverse effects of Type D personality and younger age on 5-year prognosis and quality of life. Circulation 2000; 102:630–5 []
  3. Schwartz, G. (1990). The psychobiology of repression and health. In J. Singer (Ed.), Repression and dissociation (pp. 405-434). Chicago: University of Chicago Press []
  4. McKenna, C., Zevon, M., Corn, B., & Rounds, J. (1999). Psychosocial factors and the development of breast cancer: A meta-analysis. Health Psychology. Volume 18(5) 520-531 []

Using Assessments in Coaching

by: Ken Nowack on June 22nd, 2008

“80% of success is showing up.”  Woody Allen

DOES COACHING REALLY WORK?

 Have a look at my Talent Management magazine column1.

Coaching models and practitioners seem to be increasing exponentially these days.  There are even organizations and training institutes devoted specifically to this particular intervention—each with different models, approaches and even ethical/professional guidelines. 

It seems “everyone” is now doing “coaching” for a variety of clients and presenting problems.  Many of the larger human resources consulting and outplacement companies now provide and “specialize” in coaching services. 

Countless coaching books and articles are being published on the topic despite little or no systematic research or evaluation behind them.  A very recent thorough literature search on coaching reveals few peer reviewed published studies demonstrating the effectiveness of any coaching model or process2

In fairness, a few case studies have been published in academic journals boasting of successful results.  Furthermore, meta-analytic evidence of over 600 studies suggests that feedback interventions, a cornerstone of all coaching models, can actually cause a decrease in performance3.

Some evidence that coaching does pay off, comes from a recent survey of 100 Executives by Manchester Inc., of Jacksonville, Florida.  From the survey of respondents who received coaching, it was estimated that coaching resulted in an average return of 5.7 times the initial investment. Furthermore, coaching contributed to a perception of increased productivity for 53 percent of respondents and improved quality of work for 48 percent of the respondents. When asked in the survey, which work group relationships improved as a result of coaching, the results indicated that 77 percent reported improvement with direct reports, 71 percent reported improvement with immediate supervisors and 63 percent reported improvement with peers. Of those receiving coaching, 61% reported a significant increase in their level overall level of work and job satisfaction.

In our experience coaching does in fact make a difference.  We have evidence that coaching results in significant changes in behavior and skills as viewed by supervisors, direct reports and team members when comparing changes in pre and post coaching administration of multi-rater feedback instruments. Especially noticeable are improvements in skills in the areas of communications, sensitivity, listening, and overall business relatedness.  In fact in a one-year follow-up study in a large communications conglomerate we have found that significant behavior change was observed by supervisors of those being coached utilizing a comprehensive intervention using individual assessment (multi-rater feedback, personality and career), developmental planning and follow-up meetings4.

We all believe talent can change…but probably not that much even with the most appropriate assessments to illuminate one’s strengths and blind spots. “Old dogs” who are poor performers typically just get older…..Be well….

tags]executive coaching, assessment, performance coaching, behavioral interviewing, emotional intelligence, personality inventories, 360 feedback, interests, assessment centers, multi-rater feedback systems, cognitive ability measures, self ratings, peer ratings, kenneth nowack, ken nowack, nowack[/tags]

  1. Nowack, K. (2007). Using Assessments in Talent Coaching.  Talent Management. Volume 3 (12), p.18 []
  2. Kampa-Kokesch, S. & Anderson, M.  Executive coaching: A comprehensive review of the literature.  Consulting Psychology Journal: Practice and Research, 53, 205-228 []
  3. Kluger, A. & DeNisi, A. (1996). The effects of feedback interventions on performance: A historical review, meta-analysis and preliminary feedback theory. Psychological Bulletin, 119, 254-285 []
  4. Nowack, K. (2005). Longitudinal evaluation of a 360 degree feedback program: Implications for best practices. Paper presented at the 20th Annual Conference of the Society for Industrial and Organizational Psychology, Los Angeles []

Summer Reading List – Part II

by: Bill Bradley on June 18th, 2008

HOT READS FOR THE PRACTIONER

Title: Stanford University, Graduate School of Business

Competencies: visionary leadership, technological leadership, strategic problem analysis, change management, ethics and trust, interpersonal effectiveness, team building, performance management, innovation, judgment, decision making, recognizing/rewarding performance

Who benefits: readers interested in current business literature

Consultant Usage: staying up-to-date, executive coaches making reading recommendations

What’s it about? This week I continue to visit the websites of some of the most respected US university business schools to find the latest publications from their faculty.  Today I am out west at Stanford University, Graduate School of Business.  Here is what some of their professors have written recently:

The Red Queen among Organizations: How Competitiveness Evolves (2008) by William P. Barnett. There’s a scene in Lewis Carroll’s Through the Looking Glass in which the Red Queen, having just led a chase with Alice in which neither seems to have moved from the spot where they began, explains to the perplexed girl: “It takes all the running you can do, to keep in the same place.”  The author suggests that a similar dynamic is at work, shaping how firms and industries evolve over time.  (A 1.03 hour video file is available by using the Stanford link at the top of this entry.)

Made to Stick: Why Some Ideas Survive and Others Die  (2007) by Chip Heath and Dan Heath.  Mark Twain once observed, “A lie can get halfway around the world before the truth can even get its boots on.” His observation rings true: Urban legends, conspiracy theories, and bogus public-health scares circulate effortlessly. Meanwhile, people with important ideas–business people, teachers, politicians, journalists, and others–struggle to make their ideas “stick.”  Why do some ideas thrive while others die? And how do we improve the chances of worthy ideas?

Since this is, after all, a summer reading list, let me insert a more traditional beach read that could be considered a fictional companion to Made to Stick.  David Balducci has written a thriller, The Whole Truth, based upon the new and very real threat of professional “perception management” firms that seek to create and disseminate “truths” to support a cause.  And if you are in the mood for this kind of beach read, how can you resist a book that opens with the following line: “Dick, I need a war.”  (Not the Dick you think it is … or is it?)

What Were They Thinking?: Unconventional Wisdom About Management (2007) by Jeffrey Pfeffer.  Every day companies and their leaders fail to capitalize on opportunities because they misunderstand the real sources of business success. The author provides data and insights to help companies make smarter decisions and guidelines for executives and managers on how to think more deeply and intelligently about critical management issues.

Logics of Organization Theory:Audiences, Codes, and Ecologies (2007) by Michael T. Hannan, László Pólos & Glenn R. Carroll. Three leading authorities rethink organization theory, advancing  organizational theory, and drawing lessons for theory building elsewhere in the social sciences.

Innovation in Medical Technology: Ethical Issues and Challenges (2007) by Margaret L. Eaton and Donald Kennedy.  The book examines the ethical, legal, and social problems that arise with cutting-edge medical technology.  (Two short video files are available by using the Stanford link at the top of this entry.)

Before closing I want to thank reader Christine who wrote back after last week’s entry about Judgment: How Winning Leaders Make Great Calls and added: “Judgment is an outstanding read; the first comprehensive look at the entire decision process from inception to execution. Noel Tichy recently did a program surrounding this book that is still available on-demand. I saw it live and it really brings these points to life.”

Happy summer reading. 

 

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How the Elite Become That Way

by: Ken Nowack on June 15th, 2008

“The tragedy in life doesn’t lie in not reaching your goal.  The tragedy lies in having no goal to reach.”

Benjamin Mays

How do people become elite?  And once they do, how do they sustain it?

In a fascinating in depth interviews with 50 people who have achieved high job and personal success, Eva Perea and her associates have distilled out a set of common factors unique to each of these “high flyers” in a soon to be published book called “Cambio de Rumbo”, or “change in the course of life”. It will be published in Spanish in September 2008.

The in-depth two-hour interviews were conducted from September 2006 until May 2007 targeting people who had achieved something “great”: a deep and relevant change in the course of his/her life; keeping a significant representation of the different characteristics: men and women, different ages, different education levels, from different socio-economic backgrounds, and finally, mostly Spanish but a significant representation from other nationalities, British, American, French, Cuban, etc. 

Here findings suggest these cluster of factors that distingquished these elite individuals:

Ability to take on risk.
Combined with some level of non-conformity to break a situation that perhaps is not ideal, but is perceived as easy and comfortable.

Motivation. All these persons had a great inner strength, a positive feeling that they wanted to change their lives.

Creativity. The skill to look at things from a different angle was, curiously enough, found in all the people who were interviewed.

Experience. Most people has attained quite some experience before they knew where to move on. Most people need to reflect and live long enough before knowing exactly where their dreams lie.

Honesty. When all the outside forces have the effect of anchoring you in the old habits to maintain a ’status quo’, it is very necessary to have a significant amount of clarity and honesty to face the mirror, to look at your soul and ask yourself what you really want to do with your life.

Self-analysis. Before finding the answer, most people who had the courage to take the big plunge had to go through a difficult process with their inner selves.

Move into action. It is fantastic to have a dream, a passion, but if it doesn’t move us towards some action, it will only be a deceptive shelter for the day-to-day disappointments, a mere mirage.

Perseverance. Let’s not fool ourselves: to pursue a dream is not normally a bed of roses. Very often, obstacles appear in the ways that take us to failure or to difficulties. It is necessary to be persistent and try again, and again, in spite of everything and everyone. Each set-back should only be considered as a detour that will lead us to the final victory.

Getting to the top is one thing–staying there is something else.

In the recent June 2008 issue of HBR Graham Jones in his article “How the Best of the Best Get Better and Better outlines four unique characteristics of top performers1.  These themes can be summarized as:

1. Top performers compete against themselves and their own standards continuously pushing themselves to new limits–particularly when they are the new benchmark.  Their perspective is longer term with respect to goals and accomplishments.

2. Top performers can block out distractions very effectively whether it is competitor behavior (e.g., victories) or personal/family issues (e.g., death of a family member).

3. Top performers play with other elite talent to stretch their skills and abilities.

4. Top performers seek immediate and candid feedback geared to helping them become even better (i.e., they want honest and constructive feedback not admiration and gloating praise).

5.  Top performers both celebrate successes and reflect on what got them there–they are strongly interested in their own continuous improvements to sustain their excellence.

I guess I better get back to work to compete with myself a bit more, seek out even more feedback and celebrate my small successes….Be well….

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  1. Jones, G. (2008) How the best of the best get better and better. Harvard Business Review, June 2008, 123-127 []

Summer Reading List – Part I

by: Bill Bradley on June 11th, 2008

HOT READS FOR THE PRACTIONER

Title: University of Michigan, Ross School of Management Publications

Competencies: self-development, leadership, performance management, innovation, judgment, decision-making

Who benefits: readers interested in current business literature

Consultant Usage: staying up-to-date, executive coaches making reading recommendations

What’s it about? During the summer months I always put together a reading list, the “beach reads”.  But interspersed with the latest novels from my favorite authors are a few serious business books.  I like to think it keeps me relatively current on the learning curve!

This week I went to the websites of some of the most respected US university business schools to find the latest publications coming out from some of the most respected business minds in the country.  The results are eclectic.  Each school has its own particular perspective and visiting six sites I came up with a wide variety of literature all published within the last 12 months.  The good news is that somewhere on one of the lists is a book just right for me…and perhaps a different book just right for you.

So over the next few weeks I will share with you “What’s new?” from select B-Schools, beginning this week with the University of Michigan, Ross School of Management.  Do any of these appeal to you or your clients:

Judgment: How Winning Leaders Make Great Calls by Noel Tichy and Warren Bennis.  The authors examine the critical role judgment plays in effective leadership.

The New Age of Innovation: Driving Cocreated Value Through Global Networks by C.K Prahalad and M.S. Krishnan.  The authors unveil what they consider to be the critical missing link in connecting strategy to execution–building organizational capabilities that allow companies to achieve and sustain continuous change and innovation.

Leadership Brand: Developing Customer-Focused Leaders to Drive Performance and Build Lasting Value by Dave Ulrich and Norm Smallwood.  The authors lay out a straightforward six-step process of creating a leadership brand.

Managing the Unexpected: Resilient Performance in an Age of Uncertainty by Karl E. Weick and Kathleen M. Sutcliffe.  Why some organizations are better able than others to maintain function and structure in the face of unanticipated change.

Supply Chain Science by Wallace Hopp.  The author describes the collection of people, resources, and activities involved in bringing materials and information together to produce and deliver goods and services to customers. 

More “What’s New” next week from another campus.  Happy reading.

 

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Siesta in Healthy Adults….The Power of Napping

by: Ken Nowack on June 8th, 2008

“I usually take a two hour nap between one and four”

Yogi Berra

Last month I spent two weeks working with my business partners in Spain (Mucho gracias Baldiri and Lourdes) basically trying to adjust to jet lag, their late evening meals, and my busy schedule!

Well, the siesta still seems alive and well to some extent at least in the private sector there.  I personally don’t tend to take naps very frequently but I do head into NREM pretty quickly when I am sitting on things that move (I’ve been accused of napping during the Pirates of the Caribbean ride at Disneyland).

While napping isn’t a widespread occurrence at U.S. workplaces, one-third of respondents in the National Sleep Foundation’s (NSF) 2000 Sleep in America poll said they would nap at work if it was allowed. NSF’s 2005 poll found that more than one-third of America’s adults take two or more naps a week, and these last an average of 50 minutes.

My colleague and friend, Dr. Mark Rosekind, co-founder and president of Alertness Solutions in Cupertino, consults with government and industry about the rewards of napping, namely improved safety and productivity on the job.

He has shared with me that many people don’t realize is that the body’s clock is set with two distinct dips in alertness within a 24-hour period: one at about 2:00 am and another at about 2:00 pm, corresponding to the midday dip. Fighting off the urge to sleep during these times is tough– especially for someone already suffering from sleep deprivation.

While the Director of the Fatigue and Countermeasures Group at the National Aeronautics and Space Administration (NASA), he conducted an experiment in which he instructed NASA pilots to take short naps when possible during long haul flight operations. Mark found that compared to long haul pilots who did not nap, the napping pilots had a 34% boost in performance and a 54% boost in alertness that lasted for 2-3 hrs.

A prominent Spanish think-tank, the Business Circle, said in a report last week that Spanish workers in general put in a lot of hours — just below counterparts in Japan and more than people in Canada and Britain according to Proudfoot Consulting, which is part of London-based Management Consulting Group PLC.

Elsewhere across Europe, most government workers are done with work and out of the office by 5 p.m. or 6 p.m., with lunch breaks averaging between 30 minutes and an hour.  But under a law that went into effect in 2006, Spanish government ministries will close by 6 p.m. as part of a package of measures designed to help Spaniards balance jobs and families.

The national government has launched a campaign to break the traditional midday meal and nap. The government enacted regulations requiring that all federal agencies enforce a 45-minute lunch break, beginning about 12:30 p.m., and then send their workers home by 6 p.m. The hope is that the private sector will follow suit.

A new study of 23,681 individuals free from coronary heart disease, stroke or cancer was followed up for 6.32 years after analyzing the frequency and duration of daily naps.  Those subjects who reported occasional napping had 12% lower coronary deaths, whereas those systematically napping at 37% lower mortality1.

Midday napping (siesta) is common in populations with lower coronary mortality but this is one of the first studies to show a strong relationship with this behavior and long term health (after controlling for physical activity, diet and other factors).  Maybe we should do a better job of just listening to our body after all.

So, don’t blame me then when you wind up dreaming about this blog tonight…..zzzzzzzzzzzend….Be well….

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  1. Naska, A. et al. (2007).  Siesta in healthy adults and coronary mortality in the general population.  Archives of Internal Medicine, 167, 296-301 []

Either a Mentor or a Mentee Be

by: Bill Bradley on June 4th, 2008

HOT READS FOR THE PRACTIONER

Title: Power Mentoring: How Successful Mentors and Proteges Get the Most Out of Their Relationships

Competencies: coaching, talent development, self-development

Who benefits:those in or in need of a mentor-mentee relationship

Consultant Usage: career development specialists, coaches – especially those whose relationship is comparable to a mentor

What’s it about?  This is about 3 stories, an observation, 2.5 recommendations and a book.

Story 1: John Gerletti was mean to me.  He yelled at me.  He cursed me in several languages, including Arabic – which was quite impressive.  He once ripped up a lengthy paper I had written, calling it trash and pathetic.

John Gerletti was a fine man, an outstanding professor and exactly what I needed.  He could read me as easily as a beach novel.  He had confidence in me when I didn’t have confidence in myself.  He believed in me when I didn’t believe in myself.  And he wasn’t going to let me fail, in the classroom or in life.

I spent 3 years under John’s wing.  Then he pushed me out of the nest.  “Fly”, he said.  “You are ready now.”  I had a good career and I owe much of it to John. 

About the time I was leaving the nest I asked John what could I do in return.  He said simply: “Help others like I have helped you.”  That’s what he wanted from me.  And that was a long time ago.

Story 2: Today, many, many years later, I am in the early stages of a monthly ritual.  I meet with two women at a local watering hole.  They are both extremely intelligence, of good cheer, possessing high intra and inter personal skills and inquisitive minds.  They are close colleagues in the same organization.  Both have bright futures ahead.  One is seeking advice on current office issues; the other is seeking what I would categorize as self-development and career exploration.  My role with them is as a listener and advice-giver.  This will undoubted be a short-term relationship but mutually satisfying.

Story 3: Many years ago a long-time friend and colleague began mentoring a young college student.  Their mentor-mentee relationship took on a more formal, long-term structure.  Over time the mentee responded well to the mentor’s counsel and was rewarded with an internship, then some low-level paid work, later with consulting assignments until the mentor-mentee relationship dissolved into peer relationship and a very close friendship.  Granted, this is not a typical description of a mentor-mentee relationship, but it is a great story.  And for them it worked.

An observation: These three stories represent different kinds and interpretations of mentoring.  During my career I did many, many short-term “mentorings”.  I would help out while it was mutually beneficial and then we would part.  My colleague and friend has had the more intense, long-term mentoring relationships that almost invariably ended up in a peer-friendship relationship. Two kinds of mentoring, both satisfying based upon the personalities involved.

2.5 Recommendations:  If you are the mentor, help the mentee to set goals and then be the enforcer.  Push a little.  Don’t do the work for the mentee.  If you are the mentee, heed the advice of your mentor (and if you are not absolutely sure you know the meaning of “heed”, look it up).  If you make a commitment, keep it.  And finally, always, always make it mutually valuable.  Make it a win-win.  At this stage of my life, I like to mentor for fun.  Since I don’t have an office anymore, I conduct my business at a local watering hole (or sometimes a coffee shop).  So there is my value, my “win”!

Want to read more about formal mentoring?  Read Power Mentoring by Ellen Ensher and Susan Murphy. 

(Now here it comes…this is one of those “oh, by the way moments”.)  Ellen Ensher is the young college woman, intern, junior consultant, peer consultant, university professor and scholar in story 3 above. 

You see, what goes around does come around!

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Mental Health Days Taken for the Family

by: Ken Nowack on June 1st, 2008

“A sad soul can kill you quicker than a germ.”

John Steinbeck

An estimated 26.2 percent of Americans ages 18 and older suffer from a diagnosable mental disorder in a given year.  Mental illnesses are medical conditions that disrupt a person’s thinking, feeling, mood, ability to relate to others, and daily functioning. Serious mental illnesses include major depression, schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD), panic disorder, post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), and borderline personality disorder.

The firm CCH in their 2007 Unscheduled Absence Survey discovered that only 34% of employees who call in sick due so because of true physical problems. The other 66% are likely dealing with child care, eldercare, or other family problems that require us to skip out of work for all or part of a day. In fact, a national Stress in America survey (September 2007) of 1,848 people done by the American Psychological Association suggested that 31% of all employees report significant difficulty balancing work and family responsibilities.

The CCH survey revealed the top reasons to take a “mental health day” including:

  • Family or relationship issue (30%)
  • Work stress (20%)
  • Personal/Legal issue (15%)
  • Fatigue/Burnout (12%)
  • Lack of Motivation (5%)

(Note: 18% reported not taking any mental health days)

Employees who experienced bullying at work (persistent criticisms by one’s manager or coworkers and being belittled) creates stronger negative emotions and reasons to want to take time off from work than even sexual harassment.  Sandy Hershcovis, Ph.D. from the University of Manitoba recently reviewed over 21 studies over 21 years and found that employees who experienced bullying at work reported more job stress, less satisfaction and higher levels of anxiety and anger leading to emotional and physical fatigue–all great reasons to want to skip out of work to find more supportive and energizing environments and people.  It’s not enough to be stretched with familiy responsibilties but to come to work and feel emotionally abused as well.

Of course, there are a large number of stressed employees who practice the habit of going to work sick instead of staying home (called “presenteeism”) whether they have been bullied at work or find work and life balance a chronic challenge.

In a recent study of 3,800 employees by Caroline Bine who is a doctoral student in the UK, 74% reported heading into the office “under the weather” at least once during the year.  The top reasons for coming in sick included:

  • Workload/Deadlines (31%)
  • Professionalism/Guilt (28%)

She found that employees who have strong relationships with others at work tended to be the ones most likely to come to work to share their illness with others. 

If all these studies are making you crazy, at least you should take comfort that you are pretty typical.  I wonder what retirees do when they feel stressed or bullied at home?  Be well….
 

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